


Remembering the Good and Bad

by brightephemera



Series: Vivan!verse [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/F, Nighttime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7514114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightephemera/pseuds/brightephemera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jedi Consular Vivan finds herself talking to her new padawan about regrets and visions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembering the Good and Bad

The emotion on Vivan’s vessel hadn’t been serene in a long time. The representatives of the Rift Alliance saw to that. The blossom of bitterness was new since the death of Senator Grell, though.

And, at present, it was on the bridge.

Vivan dressed. She couldn’t sleep anyway. She left her chambers and made her way to the source of the disturbance.

There, standing by the largest panel window, was the slim Sarkhai girl whose ascension to Jedi was Vivan’s responsibility. Vivan opened her mouth and realized she hadn’t thought of anything to say. Scrambling, she tried for the first approachable kind-master-y thing that came to mind. “You know, before I met you, I used to spend a lot of time up here.”

Nadia Grell jumped and whirled in one movement. “Oh! I didn’t mean to take that away…?”

“No. I sleep better these days. Maybe it’s just as well such a good thinking spot isn’t going to waste.”

Nadia looked quizzical. “You’re having an easier time sleeping in all this?”

“I’m surer today than I was yesterday.” She cleared her throat, unsure how to bring her babbling under control. “A Jedi must never become complacent. But sometimes you can tell that you’re on the right track.”

“Does that mean taking me on as your padawan was a good choice?”

It was a responsibility that grounded her as much as it scared her. “That I haven’t doubted for a moment.”

Nadia frowned at the brown cloth bindings over Vivan’s eyes. “Can you even see me?” she said quietly.

Inevitable, but for once not so annoying. “I see you in the Force. That’s how I guessed your abilities. Someday somewhere somebody might be born with similar features and build, but there’s no signature like yours.” Was that cutting something too close? In retrospect Vivan had no idea how Yuon Par had managed both companionableness and detachment. Vivan was definitely doing this wrong.

“Is it like the way I see you?” said Nadia. “When it’s quiet, I mean. The Force flows around your emotions, like a river over rocks.”

“It sounds so soothing when you say it like that.” She tried a smile and was gratified to see Nadia smile, too. “Yes, from all I understand your Force vision is similar to mine. I just have a lot more practice resolving the details.”

Nadia’s eyes fluttered shut. Her presence in the Force swelled somehow. Her eyes were moving rapidly under their lids. She was reaching to touch, and Vivan felt it. “I think I would know it’s you,” Nadia said at last, and returned to herself.

Vivan coughed. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it’s fine. I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You can’t see through to that?”

“I’m not quite that accomplished.”

“Oh.” Nadia smiled and faded. “It was just…my father. If we’d gotten there just a little sooner….”

Anger, ever alert, uncoiled inside Vivan’s spine. “If our ship were faster. If we’d heard earlier. If that Stark had drawn it out a little longer–” no, dammit, that wasn’t the image to give her, even if it haunted Vivat’s empty moments– “I know. I failed you. And I’m sorry.”

“No! I don’t blame you. Neither one of us found out in time.”

“I’m sorry just the same.”

Nadia hugged herself. “It’s just…I try to be at peace. But you don’t know what it’s like, watching…seeing it over, and over….”

I don’t?, she didn’t say. Seeing her padawan’s wounds didn’t mean she had to show off her own. And the anger was growing. “I know he would be proud of you,” she said. “And what we do prevents that moment for countless more.”

“I…know.” Her trying-to-be-brave smile wrenched Vivan’s heart, kept the devouring emotion at bay. “Thank you, master. I think I can sleep now.”

“Rest well.” Vivan wasn’t sure she would.


End file.
